marriage manual!!
Hi! Im coming back to marriage again… my cousin got married last week and after many years I witnessed the rituals of the marriage from the beginning till the end which went for around two and a half days! As usual I thought I would carve my experiences of meeting my relatives, the time I enjoyed singing etc but thot of making this article a more information based one. Most of the rituals set me thinking as to why it has been done so I decided to browse through the net to find out for myself the meanings of those rituals which are being performed…
Come on… how can I not share it with u guys ?! So no wonder this article is the longest of all !!
The Ritual of the Hindu Wedding too is each symbolic of beautiful and noble sentiments. Unfortunately today many parents and couples perform them without an awareness of the rich meaning behind them.
A modest attempt has therefore been made to briefly describe the meaning and significance of the rituals of a Tamil Brahmin Wedding.
ON THE DAY BEFORE WEDDING
PANDHAKKAL MUHURTHAM
Typical of any Hindu ritual, Lord Ganesha’s blessings are sought at the beginning of the wedding. A bamboo stick gets tied up with a Saffron cloth, flowers and Mango leaves. Tumeric, Sandalwood Paste are applied on to it. Planting the bamboo stick on the ground symbolizes the strong foundation with which, the couple will start their holy matrimony.
USHERING-IN OF THE BRIDEGROOM
On the evening prior to the wedding day, the bridegroom is to be brought in a procession from a temple in a flower decorated car. He is escorted by the bride’s parents, and welcome at the marriage mandap, which is the bride’s abode. Nadaswaram band leads the way along the streets, the flower decorated car jam-packed with children. This is a social function, called JANA VASAM in South India .Through such a parade, public approval is sought of the groom, chosen by the family.
After reaching the marriage hall, there is a formal ceremony of betrothal.
After reaching the marriage hall, there is a formal ceremony of betrothal.
VRATHAM
The marriage ceremonies begin with the Vratham performed separately by the bride and the groom. For the bride, it means the tying of the KAPPU – the holy thread on her wrist which is meant to ward off all evil spirits. It symbolises a kind of the protective armour for the bride. For the groom, the various Gods – Indra, Soma, Chandra, Agni. From there on, the groom prepares himself for a new chapter in his life as a householder or Grihasta. The days of his bachelorhood or brahmacharya are now over and the acceptance of this is all what the Vratham is about.
‘KASI YATRA’
This is very important part of the ceremony. Immediately after his student-life, the young bachelor has two alternatives before him – Married life ( Grihasta ) or asceticism (Sanyas). Being by nature escapist, he prefers the ascetic life to the tribulations of married life. He therefore ‘makes his way’ to kasi (VARANASI), complete with slippers, umbrella, bamboo fan etc. On his way, the bride’s father intervenes and advises him of the superiority of married life to ascetic life. He also promises to give him his daughter as companion to face the challenge of life. The umbrella is to remain with groom, to remind him in the future, of this advice. As promised his wife stands by him in his life.
EXCHANGE OF GARLANDS
The bride and the groom are lifted to the shoulders of their maternal respective uncles; and in that position the two garland each other thrice for a complete union. A garland worn by a person, should not be used by another, ordain our shastras. Here the exchange of garlands symbolises their unification – as one soul in two bodies. It is inward acceptance by each of the very fragrance of the other.
OONJAL
The marrying couple is seated on a swing. They rock forth and back, as women sing songs to praise the couple. The bride and groom are given a sweet concoction of milk, sugar and bananas to eat. Water and lighted lamps are circulated around the swing in order to guard against demons and ghosts. Colored globules of cooked rice are waved in a circular motion and thrown away to propitiate the evil spirits. ‘VARA PUJA’The feet of the bridegroom is washed in milk, and wiped off with silk.The chains of the swing signify the eternal link with the Almighty. The to and fro motion represents the undulating sea-waves of life. Yet in mind and body they shall move in harmony – steady and stable.
‘PAALIKAI’ SEEDS SOWING
This is fertility rite. Paalikais are earthen pots prepared a day earlier – pots spread at the base with hariali grass and Bael leaves (Vilvam); nine kinds of pre-soaked cereals are ceremonially sown in these pots by Sumangalis. After the marriage, the sprouted seedlings are released in a river or pool. This ritual invokes the blessings of the eight-direction-quartered guardian angles, for a healthy life and progeny to the couple.
The bride is made to sit on her father’s lap and is given away as gift by him, to the bridegroom.
On the girl’s head, a ring made with Kusa, the sacred grass called DARBHA, is placed, and over it, is placed a yoke; the Gold Mangal Sutra ( or THAALI ) is placed right on the aperture of the yoke, and water is poured through the aperture. The Mantras chanted at this time, say: "Let this gold multiply your wealth Let this water purify your married life, and may your prosperity increase. Offer yourself to your husband "
The bride then is given an auspicious ablution, and an exclusive new KOORAI Sareenine yards saree popularly known as madisar ) is draped around her – this is done by the sister of the bridegroom.
To bride in her new saree, a belt made of reed-grass is tied around the waist. The manthras chant:
"She standeth here, pure before the holy fire, as one blessed with boons of a good mind, a healthy body, life-long companionship of her husband ( Sumangali Bhagyam ) and children with long life. She standeth as one who is avowed to stand by her husband virtuously. Be she tied with this red-grass rope, to the sacrament of marriage "
Thanks giving vedic hymns follow to the celestial caretakers of her childhood: the Deities of SOMA, GANDHARVA and AGNI. Having attained nobility, the girl is now free to be given over to the care of the human – her man.
The Vedic concepts underlying this ritual are figuratively this: that in her infant stage, SOMA had given her coolness of the moon, and strength; in the next stage, GANDHARVA had given her bodily beauty; and lastly AGNI gave her passions.
The father of the bride, while offering his daughter chants: "I offer ye my daughter, a maiden virtuous, good-natured, very wise, decked with ornaments to the best of my ability-; that she shall guard the Dharma, Wealth, and Love "
On the girl’s head, a ring made with Kusa, the sacred grass called DARBHA, is placed, and over it, is placed a yoke; the Gold Mangal Sutra ( or THAALI ) is placed right on the aperture of the yoke, and water is poured through the aperture. The Mantras chanted at this time, say: "Let this gold multiply your wealth Let this water purify your married life, and may your prosperity increase. Offer yourself to your husband "
The bride then is given an auspicious ablution, and an exclusive new KOORAI Sareenine yards saree popularly known as madisar ) is draped around her – this is done by the sister of the bridegroom.
To bride in her new saree, a belt made of reed-grass is tied around the waist. The manthras chant:
"She standeth here, pure before the holy fire, as one blessed with boons of a good mind, a healthy body, life-long companionship of her husband ( Sumangali Bhagyam ) and children with long life. She standeth as one who is avowed to stand by her husband virtuously. Be she tied with this red-grass rope, to the sacrament of marriage "
Thanks giving vedic hymns follow to the celestial caretakers of her childhood: the Deities of SOMA, GANDHARVA and AGNI. Having attained nobility, the girl is now free to be given over to the care of the human – her man.
The Vedic concepts underlying this ritual are figuratively this: that in her infant stage, SOMA had given her coolness of the moon, and strength; in the next stage, GANDHARVA had given her bodily beauty; and lastly AGNI gave her passions.
The father of the bride, while offering his daughter chants: "I offer ye my daughter, a maiden virtuous, good-natured, very wise, decked with ornaments to the best of my ability-; that she shall guard the Dharma, Wealth, and Love "
Thus offering her daughter, her father gets a word of assurance three times that the bridegroom shall remain for ever her companion in joy and sorrow – in this life, and after death too
THE DESIGN OF THE MANGAL SUTRA
The design of the mangal sutra varies from family to family as per tradition. In Shivite families the design of the tulasi madam is highlighted where as others could have the shiva lingam or Goddess Meenakshi represented. As the Mangal Sutra lands on the middle of the bride’s chest, it symbolizes that her man has occupied the whole of her being through her heart. The bride in all ceremonies is represented as the female principle of Godhead – the Shakti.
‘MAANGALYA DHARANAM’
Next, timed to exact auspicious hour, is the tying of the Mangala Sutra ( Thaali ). The bride seated on her father’s lap, looking eastward, and the bridegroom facing westward, ties the gold Mangala Sutra around the neck of the bride. As he does so, the Nadaswaram drums are beaten loud and fast, so as to muffle any inauspicious sounds at the critical hour. This is called Getti Melam; as it sounds, the Sumangali ladies sing "GOURI KALYANA, VAIBHOGAMAY "
Three knots are tied – the first one by the bridegroom, the other two knots by his sister to make the bride a part of the boy’s family. The Vedic hymn recited by the bridegroom when he ties the knot, is: " Praying the Almighty that I be blessed with a long life, I tie this knot around your neck, oh soubhaygavati, may providence bestow on you a fulfilling life of a ‘Sumangalis’ for a hundred years to come "
Three knots are tied – the first one by the bridegroom, the other two knots by his sister to make the bride a part of the boy’s family. The Vedic hymn recited by the bridegroom when he ties the knot, is: " Praying the Almighty that I be blessed with a long life, I tie this knot around your neck, oh soubhaygavati, may providence bestow on you a fulfilling life of a ‘Sumangalis’ for a hundred years to come "
‘PAANI GRAHANAM’
This means "holding hands". The groom holds the hand of the bride. The Manthras say: The Devas have offered you to me in order that I may live the life of a householder (GRIHASTA ); we shall not part from each other even after we grow old "
‘SAPTHA PADHI’
Holding the bride’s hand, the bridegroom walks seven steps with her. This is the most important part of the marriage ceremony, and only when they walk seven steps together ( i.e. perform SAPTHA PADHI ) is the marriage complete legally. The belief is that when one walks 7 steps with another, one becomes the another’s friend. The manthras recited then, mean: "Ye who have walked seven steps with me, become my companion, where by I acquire your friendship. We shall remain together inseparable. Let us make a vow together; we shall share love, share the same food, and share the strength, the same tastes. We shall be of one mind, we shall observe the vow together. I shall be the SAMA, you the RIG: I shall be the Upper World, you the earth; I shall be the SUKHILAM, you the HOLDER – together we shall live, beget children, and other riches, come thou, O sweet-worded girl "
‘PRADHAANA HOMAM’
A crucial part of the wedding is the homage paid by the couple to AGNI, the fire- God. They circle around the fire, and feed it with ghee, and twigs of nine types of trees, as sacrificial fuel. The fumes that arise, are supposed to possess medicinal, curative and cleansing effects on the bodies of the couple.
AGNI, the mightiest power in the cosmos, the sacred purifier, the all-round benefactor, is deemed as a witness to the marriage (AGNI SAAKSHI )
AGNI, the mightiest power in the cosmos, the sacred purifier, the all-round benefactor, is deemed as a witness to the marriage (AGNI SAAKSHI )
TREADING ON THE GRINDSTONE
Holding the bride’s left foot toe, the bridegroom helps her tread on a grindstone kept on the right side of the fire. The Manthras says: "Mount up this stone. Let thy mind be roc-firm, unperturbed, by the trials and tribulations of life "
SHOWING HER THE "ARUNDHATI " STARNext he shows her the Star ARUNDHATI ( of the SAPTHA RISHI Constellation ), as also DHRUVA the polestar. Arundhati, the wife of VASISHTA Mahrishi, is exemplified as an ideal wife, the embodiment of chastity. DHRUVA is the one who attained immortality through single-minded devotion and perseverance – virtues to be emulated through out married life.
SHOWING HER THE "ARUNDHATI " STARNext he shows her the Star ARUNDHATI ( of the SAPTHA RISHI Constellation ), as also DHRUVA the polestar. Arundhati, the wife of VASISHTA Mahrishi, is exemplified as an ideal wife, the embodiment of chastity. DHRUVA is the one who attained immortality through single-minded devotion and perseverance – virtues to be emulated through out married life.
‘LAAJA HOMAM’
This shall comprise the bride’s own offering to the sacrificial fire. As she is forbidden to do it herself, her brother helps her. He gives her a handful of parched rice grains which she hands to bridegroom who on her behalf, feeds it into the fire. Through this food offering, the bride seeks a long life for her husband, and propagation of the family. Participation of the bride’s family members indicates the continuance of links between the two families, even after marriage. The couple circle around the fire, three times, and the feeding of the fire with parched rice, is repeated thrice.
SHOWERING OF ‘AKSHADAI’
Akshadai, i.e. rice-grains coated with turmeric and saffron, are showered on the couple, by elders and invitees – as benediction.
‘GRIHA PRAVESAM’
Taking with her, fire from the Laaja Homam, the bride takes leave of her home, and enters the new home of her in-laws. The vedic hymns now sound likes the mother’s words of advice to her daughter: "Be the queen of your husband’s home. May your husband glorify your virtues; conduct yourself in such a way that you win your mother-in-law’s love, and be in the good books of your sister’s-in-law."
‘NALUNGU’
The evening of the marriage day is the time to relax and play. The newly wed wife calls her husband for play, inviting him through a song. Much to the merriment of one and all gathered, there follows list of playful items: the bride anointing the groom’s feet with colour paste ; fanning him, showing him a mirror; breaking papads over each other’s head; wrenching the betel pack from each other’s hand; rolling the coconut from one to another as in ball-play; and so on. During these items, the ladies sing songs poking fun at the bride, groom and the in-laws.
These events brings out many qualities of the bride and the groom – sporting spirit, kindness, strength, co-operative nature etc.
These events brings out many qualities of the bride and the groom – sporting spirit, kindness, strength, co-operative nature etc.
MANGALA AARATHI
solution of lime and turmeric powder, and in colour, is prepared on a plate, and circled around, and thrown away to ward off evil eye. This is done a number of times during the entire wedding ceremony, and at the end.
The gates of the wedding hall are adorned with full-grown plantain trees, signifying evergreen plenty for endless generations.
Overhead festoons of mango leaves signify the never fading relationship to begin here. Notes of nadaswaram heard loud and clear to signify the union here is scared and divine.
Kolam or rangoli designs at the doorsteps match the mood of the occasion, beckoning a hearty welcome to the well wishers who arrive for the function.
At the threshold of the hall, sprinkling of rose water perfumes the visitors. Offering of flowers to women express a wish of sowbhayam for the lady guest. The sugar candy brings forth the sweetness of happy event that the visitor has arrived to take part in.
The gates of the wedding hall are adorned with full-grown plantain trees, signifying evergreen plenty for endless generations.
Overhead festoons of mango leaves signify the never fading relationship to begin here. Notes of nadaswaram heard loud and clear to signify the union here is scared and divine.
Kolam or rangoli designs at the doorsteps match the mood of the occasion, beckoning a hearty welcome to the well wishers who arrive for the function.
At the threshold of the hall, sprinkling of rose water perfumes the visitors. Offering of flowers to women express a wish of sowbhayam for the lady guest. The sugar candy brings forth the sweetness of happy event that the visitor has arrived to take part in.
And they lived happily ever after……… in this whole article this is the only line I have written ;-)
Anyways…the previous article has the lyrics of the songs usually sung in weddings at different stages. Hope this article proved to be very informative as I have learnt a lot out of it and found out the rich meanings that each activity conveys. So too much of marriage related stuff would have definitely made u guys bored so can expect something totally different from me in the next one. See u soon….
I have read one of your posts sometime back, where you have talked about "why marraige" concept !!
And I see a post here with all the different rituals of a marriage. Quite contradictoy.
Also do you think we stil ahev to follow all these rituals and spend a lavish amount of money and time?
Posted by
Amar |
10:16 AM
well, i have never said marriage is unnecessary. i just wanted to say that one should have a purpose in getting married and it should not happen just for the sake of it. "after schooling it college then post graduation, then a job and then get married" what a stupid hierarchy!! marriage should never be done just because people of that particular age ought to get married. i feel it is uter foolishness. get married only when there is a feeling that it is necessary after getting its real feeling.
then regarding the rituals.. i have always felt the bride and groom are being put under a hectic day.. but there is so much meaning conveyed thro those rituals.. how wonderful it is to know that nothing is being done for the sake of it but there are lots of meaning and it would be nive if people can understand and then take part in it.
anyways thanks for raising those questions.. i myself wanted to write and clarify about it
Posted by
Saraswathi |
6:46 AM